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If only we had been warned - peekaboohs´ fortune cookies

About If only we had been warned

Previous Entry If only we had been warned Oct. 23rd, 2007 @ 10:42 pm Next Entry
MUM - JOB DESCRIPTION


This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, no one would have done it!!!!




POSITION:

Mother, Mum, Mama, Mummy, Ma.

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs £5.Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and co-ordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life.

Forward this on to all the Mums you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are.
Common take a bite
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From:grigorisgirl
Date:October 23rd, 2007 08:53 pm (UTC)
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How very true!!
From:thotuwrabsent
Date:October 24th, 2007 12:40 am (UTC)
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Hugs? What department do I complain to? I haven't had one of those since my youngest was about 4. That was 10 yrs ago. And the older one, was that a hug or a grapple of terror when she spotted Santa at the mall?

I love kids, usually someone else's!
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:October 24th, 2007 05:26 pm (UTC)
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That´s so sad.

Wait...

*sends you a virtual hug*

feel anything coming?
From:thotuwrabsent
Date:October 24th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
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Virtual hugs are better than no hugs at all!
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From:ispellit
Date:October 24th, 2007 06:27 am (UTC)
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You told that I should have a look at the positive things in my life... well, one seems to be that I've never got employed as a Mum. *Phew!*
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:October 24th, 2007 05:25 pm (UTC)
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That´s the spirit!
See?
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From:ardenr
Date:November 2nd, 2007 09:12 am (UTC)
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Hi Peeekaboooh! I'm afraid your mailbox is filled - cause I can't send you anything!

Anyway, thank you for everything again!:)
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:November 2nd, 2007 03:40 pm (UTC)
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Try again please
From:rohini_sinha
Date:May 11th, 2008 10:03 am (UTC)
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(Common take a bite)
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