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Mens rules - peekaboohs´ fortune cookies

About Mens rules

Previous Entry Mens rules Sep. 13th, 2007 @ 05:52 pm Next Entry
My dearest husband sent me this

These are our rules:
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1.Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1.Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

1.Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.Crying is blackmail.

1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

1.‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

1.Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

1.If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1.ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

1.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
Sex,
Sports, or
Cars

1.You have enough clothes

1.You have too many shoes

1.I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1.Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

he is soooo sleeping on the couch tonight!
Common take a bite
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From:kristine00
Date:September 13th, 2007 04:57 pm (UTC)
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Very funny! I sent to mine! I wonder if he will even read it!
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 13th, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC)
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Of course he will. He most probably is bragging about it right now!
From:creamuts
Date:September 13th, 2007 05:24 pm (UTC)
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::Giggles:: Now I'm very happy that I live alone ;)!

Well he could try!!

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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 13th, 2007 06:47 pm (UTC)
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Gosh, sometimes I envy you sooooo much.

Hugs Peek
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From:ispellit
Date:September 13th, 2007 05:36 pm (UTC)
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LMAO - but after my experience I fear we have to face that this is the pure and naked truth. LOL
There is something in German about this fact: "Männer und Frauen passen nicht zusammen, außer in der Mitte." - something like: "Men and women don't fit, except in the center."
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 13th, 2007 06:55 pm (UTC)
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That´s a good one, never heard it.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
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From:veradee
Date:September 13th, 2007 06:04 pm (UTC)
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This is brilliant. Very funny. (And once or twice the men might even be correct).
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:01 pm (UTC)
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You are kidding, right?
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From:veradee
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
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I definitely agree on these two:

1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
Not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear
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From:adaveen
Date:September 13th, 2007 10:56 pm (UTC)
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No, I'm with Veradee on this one.
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From:spacedlaw
Date:September 14th, 2007 05:58 am (UTC)
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Well, not evry men are that caricature BUT
it IS true that they NEVER complain about the toilet seat being down...
:)
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 14th, 2007 03:03 pm (UTC)
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Yes *sigh*, I hate to admit it but you´re right.
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From:alex_barstow
Date:September 13th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
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*ROFL*
I think I like your hubby. :)
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
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Bwaaaahaaaaa, just don´t jump to conclusions my dearest Lex.
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From:adaveen
Date:September 13th, 2007 10:58 pm (UTC)
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Men are so refreshingly uncomplicated, aren't they?

*** warm fuzzy ***
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 14th, 2007 03:04 pm (UTC)
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Yes they are! A pleasure to work with.
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From:sevvy_snape
Date:September 16th, 2007 02:10 pm (UTC)
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*rofl*

funny funny funny - yet true *damn*

I especially loved "Round is a shape." and "did you know men really don't mind that, IT'S LIKE CAMPING." *lol*

Men are retarded. (As if I didn't know that already) ;)
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From:peeekaboooh
Date:September 17th, 2007 07:17 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, unfortunately it´s more true than we like to admit. Oh and it´s also very funny. Gosh it´s a lethal combination, isn´t it?
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From:sevvy_snape
Date:September 17th, 2007 07:20 pm (UTC)
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most definitely!
(Common take a bite)
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